I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
