Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
