I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
