Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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