Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
