I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
