First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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