you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
