i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
