Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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