He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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