I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
