I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I looked at my own cervix.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
