I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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