Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
