I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I wear drunk well.
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