I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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