You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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