i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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