you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
