Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
