Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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