My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
