Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
