I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
