You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
