Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
