I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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