At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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