Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
