1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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