Soap is not a condiment
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
