12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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