I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
