Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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