I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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