I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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