I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
