suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
