I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
