Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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