i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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