I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
