we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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