Where did you get a picture of my penis
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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