Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
