He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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