I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
