he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
