Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
