I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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