I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
