i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
it glows. i had to have it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Are we still banned from the library?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
